I took a notebook with me to NEW MOON. Here are my unedited thoughts.

I took a notebook with me to ‘Twilight New Moon’. 
These are my notes completely unedited that I took while watching the movie. 

SPOILERS - DUH.

-trailers
-God, I don’t really know what I’m doing here
-Avatar Looks really good

-Movie starts
-Shit effects
-I have no idea what’s going on. Why is there a mirror?
-Ooooh it’s a dream!
-unsubtle teen angst music
-it’s good that she has multicultural friends
-cheesy slow motion
-this dialogue sucks “you give me everything just by breathing”
-The sister is really hot, but she can’t act
-people are laughing at this movie. It’s playing like a comedy.
-Jasper?
-I can’t believe the Romeo and Juliet parallel
-this movie couldn’t be more obvious.
-ooooh look, Edward knows Shakespeare off by heart. Surprise. He really can’t act, why give him Shakespeare! I am embarrassed to be here.

-Bella looks at a painting of Michael sheen, and it sounds like she say’s “is that hair gel?”
-Michael Sheen could do better than this.
-I don’t really know exactly what they are keeping secret? It’s not like they kill anyone.
-“The only thing that hurts me is you” the actors look embarrassed saying these lines, no-wonder they are just terrible.
-zero chemistry.
-this movie is playing like an add for the soundtrack
-“don’t hate the truck”
“you’re looking kind of pale”
-apparently a paper cut is more dramatic than an atom bomb dropping
-even when she gets hurt Edward doesn’t change expression
-I love how in these movies, whenever a doctor is operating/ doing surgery classical music plays in the background.
-This guy, the doc, can actually act.
-goodbye classical music, hello top 30 angsty song #2

-CHANGE EXPRESSION DAMMNIT!
-why did they wait to talk to each other until they got out of the car, was the whole trip to the house just of them in silence?
-The whole theater erupted in laughter when Bella asked Edward to kiss her.
-Track four of angst songs, CANON product placement and bella scrapbooking.
-Montage.
-song is good
-oh the angst. So so angsty.
-edward is standing in the middle of NOWHERE. Such a poser.
-what is with this movie? is the only place people talk to eachother in the the middle of the woods, I suppose nowhere else is private enough.
-He still hasn’t changed expression.
-He said “nothing” five times in that sentence.
-When he does that stupid eyebrow crossing thing, it only looks like he is struggling to remember his lines. But they are so crap:
-people are laughing at this.
“you don’t want me?”
“no”
“if it’s not too much to ask…”

This film is playing like a comedy. Kristen stewart is trying really really hard. 
-the music is so soap opera like young and the restless.
-eyebrow acting is good
-Bella searches the woods.
-why doesn’t she just check his house?
-oops she fell over, what a clutz!
-Get on with it.
-people are laughing at her

I love native American stereotypes in movies. They never wear shirts, and always make these silly little crafty things.
-so yeah, nothing suspicious at all about a half naked native American carrying a passed out white girl out of the woods in the middle of the night right into a group of cops.

“theres a possibility” Bella is sad. Months pass. Top 30 teen angst song playing.
-Voiceover “when you left…and he left…you took everything with you. The absence of him is everywhere I look. It’s like a huge hole has been punched in my chest”
-Just like nails on a chalkboard.
-Bella screaming in bed reminds me of trainspotting. It’s like Edward is heroin. This is just bad.

-This girl is a crazy stalker, does she not have anything in her life whatsoever? Heres a woman that needs nothing but a man. Misogyny. Sexist.
“shopping” – are you serious? Right after I was thinking about sexism.

-cue angst song # 100.
-hahah they just watched a zombie movie. Self referential. They are talking about self referential material, while being self referential – good writing.(sarcasm)
-“keep walking” When Edward appeared in a vision the whole theater was in stiches. There are some crazy bitches up in the back of the theater that are laughing at everything. Every line. Cool. 
-“turn around” – those girls laughed for maybe a minute straight. Along with the rest of the theater. This is bad.

-this old guy hitting on Bella is less creepy than Edward, because Edward is 100
-bike chase, because nothing at all has happened.
-nope not really a bike chase.
-why did the friend still wait for bella after she had driven off?
-“homeboys”
-“You’re an adrenaline Junkie?” oh great. “If a rush is what it takes to see him…” God I just hate bella. Useless person. Role model?

-of course she needs a man to help her out again.
-this guy really can’t act at all.
-How does a werewolf have pearly white teeth?
“you’re like buff”
“age is just a number”
who writes this shit?
“this song on the radio is really good” – Are you serious? The product placement here is evil. “no more music” if that’s true I’d be happy.
-bella is actually kind of a bitch.
“my boys” when the pack of dudes said their unpronounceable names, everyone laughed. How can any film-maker take this so seriously?
-one of these cardboard cutouts said “BURN!” fuck.
-now they are fighting. This is not story.
New song: “all the astronauts share paper cups”?? what the hell does this song have to do with anything? 
-voice over – “he makes me feel better…he makes me feel alive…that hole in my chest, it’s like it’s almost healed” this voice over explains everything like a sledgehammer explains face breaking. 

It’s like Edward being gone is the end of the world, even though everyone has seen enough movies to know they end up together.
-I don’t understand the period of time this movie is taking place over.

-the actor playing the dad, is doing surprisingly well considering the material/dialogue
-no one looks at the road while driving.
-“mad skillz” – you got to be kidding me.
-this is cringeworthy.

Cool kids throw each other off cliff tops. Because nobody else could see this except bella in a car driving by.

-I don’t care. What is going on!? Is there a plot at all?

-im surprised by the amount of laughter going on. These visions of edward are just ridiculous.
-edward asks her to stop, when she hasn’t even started.
-bullshit, at that speed, she would have come to a gentle stop. I think they are trying to say that women shouldn’t operate machinery.

-the whole shirt. When he took it off. The audience was crying with laughter. This movie is not subtle.

-back at high school
-token asian guy is lame
“love spelt backwards is love”
“facepunch” 
that’s an even worse title than new moon, which I don’t really know why this is called that. 
-this movie night with bella scene is disgusting. Bella Is cringeworthy. “I heard facepunch sucks” yeah just like this movie.
Bella is a bitch.
-now they are watching a bad movie. It’s crazy how meta this movie is trying to be.
-I’ve never heard anyone call someone else a “marshmallow” but Jacob just did. Dickhead.

-that other guy is in the bathroom right?

“you think I’m sorta beautiful
“don’t do this”
“why?”
“love only ruins everything”
“yeah well we got loads of time”
“I wont give up”
“I don’t want you to”
how does an adult originate this shit!?!??!

This is atrocious. I suppose its impossible to say no to a man when you are a woman, this movie is sexist and misogynist more than anything I’ve seen in a long time.

Jacob is an asshole. He can’t act angry. It just comes across as a a toddler tantrum, the actor is clearly a pussy. Lifting weights is not the same as actually being in a fight.

Wow. Character development through a voicemail message. I think the screenwriter is trying to prove that they can make each scene more painful than the last.

GIVE ME SOME CONFLICT ALREADY! Nothing has happened this entire film.
-more of this shirtless bullshit.- more laughter
-I want to walk out.
-they might as well have done the whole scene close up on his abs.
He really truly can’t act.

-forget actually writing drama. Just have people yell irrelevant things at each other in the rain such as: “you cut your hair!.” Pump the soundtrack. Done.

God each scene is worse than the last. I can’t believe people like this stuff as much as they do.
For over an hour now, nothing vampire related has happened.
This movie looks like a studio movie. So plain and boring.
“without jake I can’t stand it.” This shit with them lying in flowers is god awful.
The voice over explains everything.
How many shots of them lying in flowers do you need?

-hey it’s a Jamaican, with horrible make up. Dreadlocks and blazing red eyes. Where's the reggae?
More visions! And bella can actually talk to them.

I have no idea what these guys are talking about.
The worewolves look fake – reminds me of animorphs. 
-pissed off that they can transform in the sun. Whats wrong with the full moon idea, this is the most lazy half assed piece of writing I’ve ever seen. It’s bad enough what is being done to vampires, but werewolves too? Offended.

-Jacob is a Douchebag. If that was pulled in reality…
-spiderman! People laughed harder here than anything before.
-he says he can’t explain who he is.
-its so bloody obvious to everyone. Bella must be an idiot if she can’t figure it out yet.

-is there a story?
Whats going on?
-it seem like there is no end in sight at all.
“There is not anything I could ever run from, but I could run away with you”
what a truly awful line, it’s obvious bella. 
People laughed when Jacob ran off into the woods. 
This movie is just hilarious. It’s like a jim carrey or a will Ferrell movie in here.

-she seriously needed to ask Jacob if he was a werewolf!? FUCKING HELL! The audience is one hundred kilometers ahead of these characters. It’s just insulting.
I guess it’s so that 6 years old can understand this – they are probably the core audience. Nothing adult at all has happened.
-nothing adult.
-man these guys in the wolf pack can’t act.
Im am so annoyed at this bella being an idiot thing, I can’t believe she actually had TO SEE Jacob transform before she could figure it out. She’s read less than Stephanie meyer, if that’s possible. 
-not a smart cookie
“I guess the wolf is out of the bag” ugh.

There is no story. The people I’m with really want to leave. 
So do I. 

-this movie is ridiculous. They even give other women in the movie horrific scars. It’s almost gay porn. Even a hot woman doesn’t have a chance.
-those muffins are huge, holy shit. – that was the most exciting thing in this whole movie so far. Those muffins are massive/
-no one can act.
This is playing like a comedy still.

-now they are on a beach.
“this is not a lifestyle choice”
“it’s not what you do It’s who you are”
go and fuck yourself. You can change at will. Just never change, and leave town. The werewolves are even more a bunch of pussies than the vampires. If anyone carried a gun, or such things as vampire hunters existed in this world, all of them could be taken out easily.
-all that’s happening in this movie, is spoilt kids crying about how bad their good life is.
-it’s so bad. 
-so the werewolves can’t touch the cullens? Why the hell do we care? They keep on talking about someone called Victoria, why can’t we at least see one scene with her instead of 55 minutes nothingness. Of void.
-jacob says: “you’re lack of confidence is insulting” I feel like he is talking right to me.

-voiceover: “I’m so alone, all the time. Jacob’s gone…” cue angsty music. Man this voiceover is cheesy and not needed.
-Bad movies need a song to force you into feeling a specific emotion. This movie is no exception. 
-I think Victoria is on screen. I don’t really know why, who or what the story with her is/ if there is one. But they said before she was a redhead so I’m assuming it’s Victoria/ I guess that helps.
-The matrix meets werewolves. The effects are funny.
-Slow motion/ speed up.

-I don’t even know this old guys name, why do I care that he is dead. Thanks for the song for that emotion...i wouldn't have felt it otherwise.
- What werewolves cant swim? But they can jump off cliffs into water and stand shirtless in the rain non-stop? It's like a child wrote this.
-holy shit. I can’t believe this. Bella is drowning in slow motion. EDWARD – (can’t read this part – it’s just scribbles and exclamation marks) - …top 30 song. This is probably the worst moment in cinema I’ve ever seen.
-no wait, now’s theres a shirtless guy who was a second ago a werewolf, walking around in pants. Where did he get pants?
-men need to save her all the time. Everything she does is dependent on men. Sexist b/s.

-Why is there another scene with a man driving her own car for her.

-is this going anywhere?

-I feel like I’ve been in here all day. Nothing at all has happened in this movie. There's not even any girls to look at. Just dudes with shirts off.

-jacob and bella…and the cullen sister, name? Hot. Great.
-Bella is an absolute idiot. An idiot.
-the abs are getting too much.
-people are laughing like mad.
-in this movie Kristen Stewart is a terrible actress.
-jacob is just a thinly veiled rip off of the hulk “don’t make me angry”
-what is the fucking point of this? This is yet another pointless scene. Hurry up.

-this might be the worst film I have ever seen in a theater.

-Jacob said something before he kissed Bella, but I couldn’t make it out because people were laughing that hard.

-haha, people laughed even harder at Edwards little tantrum in italy.

-Has anyone read Shakespeare? it’s one thing to not acknowledge vampire stories, but to blatantly rip off Shakespeare…there is no shame.

-After an hour and a half Something happens.

-Everyone should only fly virgin, thanks to this shameless product placement.
-Fuck, I wouldn’t know this was italy unless someone was driving a yellow convertible. Blatant. Offensive.

-Michael Sheen is good in this.
-Edward still can’t make an expression. Why is bella so crazy for this guy?
-here we go again with the whole diamond skin thing. I’ve said it before, if I saw a guy sparkling in the sun, my first thought wouldn’t be: ‘vampire’

-Italy is beautiful, but this movie wrecks it like Rush hour 3 did to Paris, how can you go to one of the most beautiful places and shoot it like crap.

-Everyone wearing red is a dumb idea.
-none of the extras even look Italian.

-of course Edward needs to take his shirt off in super slow motion. Everyone in the theater laughed.
-The only woman not wearing red, is bella. She runs across a fountain, splashing everywhere. Nobody notices except for a six year old girl. That’s kind of indicative of this whole franchise.

-Edward is captain obvious. Everything thing he says is an observation. “she is human” Boring.
-this movie is making me physically sick.
I can’t believe people like this. 
This is amazingly sexist, cheesy and atrociously made.

-Dakota Fanning! I suppose she wanted a holiday in italy.
-Not even vampires talk in elevators. Finally something relatable.
-the receptionist is hot, but I don’t get why she is a human.

-why do the vampires even need to be in italy? I don’t understand. What are they trying to say? It can’t be as simple as a Vatican/ Christianity reference can it? That would just be so obvious and easy/
-this series has probably killed vampires for good.
What ever happened to;
-coffins
-garlic
-stakes
-neck biting
-fangs
-burning up in the sun
-vampire hunters
-turning into bats

All we have is this telepathic bullshit. It’s messed up. If twilight had any of the cool vampire things it might have had a shot at being decent.
-They don’t really go into werewolves much, but I think they have ruined them too. No full moon, no silver bullets. These guys can even transform in the sunlight and at will. 

-Fuck this franchise.

-the action is horrendous. No tension. It’s just 300 for little girls. It's always the same thing in movies these days, why put us through so much fake tension when WE KNOW the characters aren’t going to die.

-fucking hell.
-Edward has no characteristics. Why would Bella want to sacrifice herself for him? I mean they haven’t even fucked yet. This movie is just misogynistic to such a huge level.

-the reasons given for the vampires not killing Edward are retarted/ This is the worst scene in the whole movie so far. 

-HAHAH I can’t believe they just zoomed into someones eyeball to reveal a fantasy! It’s Bella and Edward running in super slowmotion . This is gratuitous. It HAS to be a joke. Everyone died in laughter.

-why do they take everything in the movie so seriously. Its so awful.
-every line the vampires had was laughed at.

Every other vampire except michael sheen can’t act.

-I can’t believe how little story there is in this film.

It’s still pretty creepy that he’s 100 and she’s 17.

-the dad is awesome. He should have been in it more.

-okay just end already!

-there are serious misogynistic undercurrents here with Bella wanting Edward to change her. Only a man can change her, not a woman. Amazing sexism.

-The blonde cullen girl who votes “no” is a horrendous actress.
-the rest all vote ‘yes’ and I don’t really know why they do.
-Edward is a tosser.
-Cue top 30 song to make you buy the soundtrack.
-cue voiceover.

-haha jacob’s standing smack bang in the middle of the road. He must have been standing there for a while. How did he know they would come? they were just in italy for fucks sake.

-this film wont end.
-whats with discussions in this movie, having to wait until the people get all the way into the middle of the woods before they begin to talk.
-Jacob says: “it’s my turn to talk” Just get to the chase asshole. Man they could have edited so much of this useless stuff out.
-this stupid truce is convenient and lame.
-poor Kristen stewart, she needs better material.
-oh fuck, another fight? God.

-“you can’t hurt each other without hurting me” godawful.
-the wolf cries in another agonizing moment. Bella can’t cry.
-“I can’t do this alone” man this scene better be the last…so awful.
-its really stretched, outstaying welcome.
-“you’re so stubborn” no I wont walk out.
-“what are you waiting for?” I’m wating for the end damnit.
-“I have one condition if you want me to do it myself”
-He’s gonna say it...
-“marry me”
The entire theater groaned.

Credits.
Probably the worst film I’ve ever seen in the cinema.